The Self-Identity
To begin, when exploring the first layer of experience, I’ll ask you to turn your attention inward to investigate the familiar feeling of being a distinct 'person', looking to see what this sense of 'I' or 'me' is actually made of. You can read more details about the attention and how to use it by going got this page. Be sure to return here when you’re done.
As you continue reading, please be receptive to your bodily sensations and notice any doubts, fears or any sense of uncertainty. As soon as you notice them, stop reading and be right there with the raw sensation - that’s really important.
One of the main characteristics of self inquiry is this flip-flopping between the conceptual and the non-conceptual. The flip-flopping happens because the long-term regularity of the self structure cannot yet reconcile with non-conceptual reality.
Therefore, when challenging your identity, it doubts, fears and entertains various uncertainties about moving into the non-conceptual reality, similar to a gatekeeper or a door security guard. This is a natural mechanism that helps keep you safe from the unpredictable nature of the unconscious mind. If you prefer that false sense of saftey and you don’t want to look any further, that’s completely fine.
This flip-flopping comes directly from doubt. Here are just a few of the ways doubt shows up:
How can this be right if it feels so unsettling?
I’m scared of this website – I’m leaving!
I'm probably not getting this right.
I’m just not interested in these things
Maybe I'm not capable of understanding this.
I'll never really see through these things; I'm too….
What if I'm fooling myself?
This man is a crazy person, because he says there is no-self.
Is this actually true or reliable?
This doesn't make sense with what I already believe.
Perhaps this approach isn't for me; maybe there's a better/easier way.
But my enlightened teacher says I should do service and meditate
Initially, most people constantly flip-flop between looking intently only at the conceptual layer (staying within concepts, feeling the "me" trying to understand or control) and glancing nervously up at the actual landscape - touching the non-conceptual at various moments.
There's fear and doubt about putting the conceptual world down and trusting your ability to navigate the real territory directly. The familiar structure of concepts feels safer than the unpredictable vastness of direct experience (fear of regressing, fear of what might happen in the non-conceptual). So there is resistance to letting go of its primary tool - and quite rightly.
As you gain confidence, you realize you don't have to discard the conceptual framework entirely. The conceptual framework is still available to consult within the experience of the non-conceptual reality. You can orient yourself using the conceptual map when needed, but it doesn't define the whole experience.
Now, crucially, the major difference lies in identification. Initially, you’ll strongly identify with being the self-concept – your reality is the central perceiver. The shift occurs when you realize you are the explorer in the landscape, who uses the map as a helpful tool but isn't confined to it or identified with it. You are no longer solely identified with the central perceiver; it becomes one available function within a lager experiential reality.
Choose one of the two options below for whatever feels right for you.