Luminosity

While breaking through the 6th and 7th fetters, where my deadening conceptual layers were being stripped away from reality, I had moments where objects began to shine as if there were emitting a vibrant glow. When these fetters fell, this luminosity became all-pervading. Even my own body was lit up as bright as a Christmas tree.

What was particularly interesting is that this luminosity was very captivating, and anything that captivates flags my attention. However, this was subtle but strong. It creeped in without my even noticing, and before I knew it, I was captured by its glow.

After some time, it occurred to me that this is the point at which the mind turns away from itself and looses itself in the world of form, which sounds remarkably similar to ignorance (the 10th fetter). For me, this wasn’t fetter 10 or 8 for that matter. Those came much later. This still had something to do with perception that hadn’t been rooted out. There was still something here, perceiving something out there.

There wasn't any actual light, but the luminosity was palpable. I noticed that I liked it – a lot. When I brought forth an image in my mind about it, I saw new beginnings, life, conception and potential. But there was a particular issue: this luminosity was the guiding force for birth. It directs everything into the world of form, where its potential can emerge into a physical reality. Perhaps there is some truth to the Bible quote, ‘let there be light: and there was light’, to which followed the second day, where the objects of the world came into being (perception). I recently saw a video in which they some biologists had manged to film the precise moment a sperm enters the egg, and in that moment, there was a flash of light.

In one sense, this radiance felt very healing and enjoyable, and in another sense, it felt threatening because it was the holding room for that tapestry of oblivion we call the human condition, where life emerges into its various – often troublesome –  narratives. This luminosity was the preamble to humanity itself; it was the very starting point. For me, that seemed like the threatening part. I couldn’t reconcile with its conflicting nature. Sometimes it would ebb and flow like the tides of the sea.

Interestingly, in the traditional texts, this luminosity – and its captivating qualities – seemed to align more with the traditional version of fetter 7, which is described in Theravada as lust for immaterial existence, lust for rebirth in a formless realm - ‘rebirth’ meaning that the current mind state (luminosity, light, and all things immaterial) is the new sought-after ideal.

What to do if you're here?

If you have an affinity to detail, then the astute readers will have picked up on this critical sentence: ‘there was still something here, perceiving something over there’ – in this case, the perception of luminosity. For this to happen, there needed to be a central observer.

But in order to see that dualistic subjectivity, I first had to go unconscious; I first had to be captured by the luminosity time and again. A conflict of sorts ensued where I become caught, and gradually saw that it caught me. It was a game of convergence and divergence, a special dance where I was open to its allure, then a sudden divergence; a withdrawal from the luminosity as I looked for the centre and the bind between the two.

This luminosity was so captivating at times, I remember thinking, ‘is this it; have I arrived’ – the luminosity was so bright, so enlightening, so pure, and so alluring, fooling me time and again.

This light show was just another trick, and a rather marvouls one at that!